On the eve of IELTS LRW Tests

I am quite articulate. I was confident on the day of my speaking module. With all my innate anxiety, I did whatever I could with ease. Thanks to all the signs and synchronicities from the divine for the mental support. I have one day between my speaking test and LRW modules.

Nothing new. As usual, I felt anxious. More events added to the woes making it tough. My day was filled with regrets. Some issues were within control and some were certainly out of control. Fate was playing it’s part. One of my maternal uncles passed away after prolonged sickness. It’s a huge loss for the family. There is an evil voice in my head that popped the question “Why did my uncle choose this day to leave us?!”. My moral side instantly reprimands me for this thought. My respects to my uncle. On the other hand, my son has been emotionally fragile due to his poor performance in the football field. His knees have been hurting for a while. My mind worries more about his well-being now. I feel guilt-tripped for taking time out for preparation though I spent time attending to my son’s needs. Thirdly, I am going through a divorce and the eve of IELTS happened to be the “chosen day" to appear in court. The case has been dragging for three long years. My husband hardly turns up to court. But today was different. For once, I was late and rushed for the hearing. I had to face questions about my late coming. After this legal proceedings, I rushed back home to present lecture online for my graphic design students. I didn’t want to miss this class as I had missed classes in the previous week due to sickness.

Amidst all this, I took a one hour session with my IELTS trainer who reminded me of some do’s and don’ts in the exam. I did completed all the listening tests she had assigned. I had not slept well the previous night. Therefore, I was drowsy and attention span was way too poor. I was scoring between 32–36 in all tests. I felt good about scoring 38 one listening test I did in the evening. My last attempt was to try out a writing module at 9.30pm. I am very confident about writing module. my trainer has always commended my vocabulary and writing style. I am fast too. This time, everything that usually works for me did not work it’s magic now. I took nearly 17 minutes for the letter instead of 15 and full 40 minutes for the essay. I usually write a lot. But now I was running short of words. The topic was weird and I was running out of points. This is enough to add multiple layers of anxiety to the extremely difficult circumstances. The day ended with me counselling my son about dealing with some issues he is facing. This was very important to me.

I went to bed after saying my exam time prayer.